What’s your worst physical feature?

- My arse. It’s full of cellulite. No, it’s my stomach actually.

Did you have a nickname in high school?

- Yes. Arrie, which is a bit weak. Got one now, called Carnal Arse Stench. I ask Melanie to call me Farnsworth. She gets sick of hearing the name Arno and so do I.

If they made a movie of your life, who would play you?

- Brad Pitt? (laughs) No, I’m not sure, all the best actors are too old.

What do you like most about yourself?

- The fact that the creativity I still bring forth is still now and then mindblowing. To myself, that is. I don’t know how anyone else feels.

How old were you when you lost your virginity?

- 16. In a terrible dark place in Worcester, the wine area in the Western Cape. Her name was…no, I can’t say her name - the town was too small.

Is it ever ok to lie?

- Yes. In order to prevail the equilibrium of the status of something important. Or to keep myself out of kak. I do think can be okay when people are losing perspective of normality.

What music do you like to make out to?

- No music, silence is best.

Who's your hero?

- Superman. And Thor, god of thunder.

What’s the one thing you can’t live without?

- Mel.

Have you ever had an inappropriate crush on anyone?

- Mel and I both had a crush on the girl from Terminator 3, but I’m not sure how inappropriate it was.

Who do you identify with most, Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen? (The evil twin or good twin?

- Who?

Are you concerned about global warming?

- Very much.

What’s your favourite movie of all time?

- Superman.

Do you believe in keeping secrets?

- No, I can’t keep a secret as hard as I try.

Can money buy happiness?

- Mmm, well-managed money can buy a lot of happiness I guess. Or, money can buy things that make you happy. You can also be happy without money. Debbie Harry of Blondie once said she enjoyed their time with and without money. I think it’s your decision how to live life – you can be happy in both wealth and poverty.

Do you prefer rollercoasters or long walks on the beach?

- Long walks on the beach. Hate rollercoasters.

If you put out a lonely hearts ad in the paper how would it read?

- Send a photo of yourself for a good time.

What do you think of plastic surgery?

- It’s very important. (laughs) One should make sure the plastic surgeon is one of your best friends. You don’t want him to work on you when he’s angry.

Matthew Freemantle
Editor