My bloody Valentine
The editor


I have nothing against jocks. Jocks don’t make things complicated (on the rare occasions that they don’t already find a thing complicated in the first place). Jocks are fine. Good jocks, that is. There are also bad jocks, the ones who propagate the theory that the way to make your girlfriend happy is to give her a credit card when she’s upset and buy her soft toys with hearts on them for Valentine’s Day.

If you’ve ever walked past a trinket shop on the 13th of February around closing time you will invariably have found a spattering of nervous oafs clutching either a furry bear, or something with a picture of a furry bear on it, looking very pleased with themselves, thinking “Bears are cute…she likes bears. Maybe she’ll let me…no, forget it. Hmm, R19.95, that’s steep…I’m splashing out so maybe she’ll let me…” and so forth. These guys are not so much treating their loved ones as they are assuring themselves of their own treat. This is not love, but leverage.

 
 


You might have spilled a beer, or taken the wrong view on horses, or even accidentally injured someone on a first date. But if you think that was bad, you’re about to be made to feel much better about it. We asked Facebookers for their most awkward date moments.

Cover your eyes, this might hurt a little...


 
 


We think they are romantic, heartfelt ballads that do justice the power of love, but look a little closer and you’ll find that what you’re actually singing along to is often very stupid or very creepy. Or both. We’ve selected the worst of the worst, because as Jon Bon Jovi almost said, these songs give love a bad name.

Every Breath You Take – The Police
Is it just me or are the lyrics to this song more creepy than charming. Consider the line, “Every step you take, I’ll be watching you.” Every step?

If You Wanna Be Happy – Jimmy Soul
This 1963 favourite, made popular in South Africa by Dr. Victor and the Rasta Rebels, is meant to be about the key to a happy marriage.

My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
Why does this woman have a career? Why? Narrowly edging the embarrassing 'I Drove All Night', a song in which she "creeps" into her lover's bed, is this turkey from the film Titanic.

I Wanna Have Your Babies – Natasha Bedingfield
How discreet of you, Nat. For a song that is all about how the singer is scared of telling her man that she's ready for children, its title is not exactly cryptic.

Underneath Your Clothes – Shakira
She had hinted at insanity by suggesting that it was lucky her breasts were "small and humble" so we didn't "confuse them with mountains" in her breakthrough hit, but when this song came out we knew Shakira had completely lost the plot.

 
 


Forget two-wheeled scooter commutes, India's groaning population now has access to the world's cheapest car. And soon it'll be here, too. Leonie Joubert considers a world running amok with R17 000 four-wheelers.

In India, you do it intimately. Travel, that is. And for the less affluent family, the scooter is how many brave the daily rush hour. With a population of over one billion, a quarter of whom live below the poverty line, the scooter and motorbike are the only affordable modes of privately-owned transport. And they're not the safest way to get the kids to their weekly cricket practice.

But all of that is about to change with the launch of the world's cheapest car, the Tata Nano. As the name suggests, it is small. In fact, it's about as small as the amount you'd pay for it: R17 000 (or $2 500). It has four doors, can seat five people, has passed all the industry safety tests and has an engine (situated in the back of the vehicle like the VW Beetle) that can put out enough power to achieve a top speed of about 120 km per hour.

The pint-sized car was launched at the New Delhi Auto Expo this week where Tata Motors/Tata Group chair Ratan Tata explained that it was the hazardous scooter that motivated the design of the Nano.

 
 


There has been a lot of complaining recently about the limits of travelling on a South African passport, the so-called Green Mamba, but with a bit of lateral thinking, the world is (almost) your oyster.

Here are some of the top destinations we South Africans can travel to without spending a day in an embassy queue holding our grandfather's birth certificate, eight passport photos and bank statements saying we have more money than we actually do.

 
 
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Michael Clayton is a 'fixer' for one of New York's top law firms; if something gets messy, he cleans it up. When his friend and colleague loses his marbles and threatens to expose a biochemical company of causing the deaths of hundreds of people, Clayton is asked to bring him back to his senses.

But in the process he too begins to unearth the sordid characters he has made his career out of rescuing, and is forced to fight for what is left of his integrity.

 
 


If you don't keep a close eye on your debts, they can easily snowball, leading to sleepless nights and early morning visits from large, muscle-bound men from debt collection agencies.
"But if you do find yourself in debt, it's never too late to fight back," says John Maxwell, MD of Virgin Money.

"The start of a new year is a great time to review your finances and to be honest about what you owe. Debt, like halitosis, won't just go away until you face up to it."

 
 

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