Green is your new favourite colour, whether you like it or not. It has to be. Green is swinging elections, winning Nobel Peace Prizes. Green is the new black, it’s the new kid on the block, it’s the new everything. Even MacDonald’s is going green. It’s your favourite colour. Get used to it.

I just want to say right up front that I don’t want the planet to explode. I don’t want the ozone layer to disappear and my face to melt off. I don’t want the ocean to flood the earth. I believe in dykes. I am scared of tsunamis. I think Global Warming is real and I think we should all stop using hairdryers. I believe all of the stuff that boring guy said in that film. All of it.

But I’d also like to be relieved of the insinuation that I am personally clubbing a baby seal to death by forgetting to switch off my bedside lamp. Is that asking too much? Green is good, we love green. I pledge allegiance to the United States of Green. But environmental hysteria can also lead to a sort of earthy hypochondria, which has a cost. Things that we thought were cool, for example, that are now quite the opposite.The language might be panic-stricken, but it doesn’t mean the message isn’t valid. The ‘Green Issue’ might be history’s biggest ever guilt trip, but it’s also our most deserved. But nobody ever does anything effectively because they have to; we need to want to. So here’s a plea to environmentalists: Easy does it. Even the most ignorant Hummer-driving Global Warming denier doesn’t want his face to melt off. He just won’t listen if you’re telling him he’s making penguins homeless.

Matthew
The Editor

It is over seven years now since Al Gore was robbed of the US presidential election by George Bush after the controversial ‘Florida Recount’. But instead of receding into political obscurity, Gore’s star has risen.

He has won praise and followers all over the world as the international spokesman for Global Warming and last year was honoured with the Nobel Peace Prize. Considering what has become of Bush, he might feel that fateful loss was a blessing in disguise. This excerpt is taken from Gore’s Nobel acceptance speech.

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Central Dublin no longer belongs to the Irish. It swarms with (mostly American) tourists, moonbagging around with hand-held video cameras, foraging for their roots. In one “traditional” pub in Temple Bar, the nucleus of the tourist district, I saw one such hobbit filming the barman pour a pint of Guinness. “Real Irish barman,” she said with a broad grin, zooming in on his face...

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Band Aid
With the Fair Trade poster boys Coldplay set to release their fourth studio album any week now, we look at the some of the more magnanimous bands out there, and what cause you’re helping by buying their albums.