D'Oh! And Other Classics

Who better to celebrate the comic edition than that Godfather of Goofiness, the Sultan of Stupidity, The Daddy of Dof, the…ok I'll stop. We've scoured the scripts to unearth the pick of Homer Simpson's vast catalogue of idiotic yet priceless quotes. The man truly is breathtakingly slow, and how we love him for it.

“Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?”

“Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!”

“Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'”

“Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.”

“How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?”

Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.

Marge: Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother.

Homer: C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU.

Marge: Forget it!”

“I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!”

“Weaselling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.”

“Homer no function beer well without.”

“I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.”

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?

Homer: Yes. (lie detector blows up).”

Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.

Mrs. Krabappel: We need names.

Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson."”

More Homer funnies:


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