Extra Virgin - April 2009 - The April Fools Edition

~ The April-Fools Edition

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Wednesday 1st April 2009

Established October 17 1887

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Stock Market Invincible!

'Buy, Buy, Buy!' Experts Advise

This was the scene on wall-street this morning when the news hit local markets.

Editorial - Matthew Freemantle

Trust nobody today – it’s all one big April Fools prank. The news you read this morning didn’t happen. That’s right; Crocodile Dundee is not running for president. Sorry. That chair you’re sitting on isn’t actually a chair. But then why believe us – our prank could be telling you that everything else is a prank. Confused? Good. Welcome to the April Fools edition.

Man-Sized Prawn Discovered Off The Coast Of Mozambique

Matthew Freemantle

When we go to Mozambique, we want the rumours to be true. We want turquoise water, cheap cashew nuts and enormous prawns. We want pineapples the size of watermelons, watermelons the size of small zeppelins, beaches whiter than shirts in an Omo advert and coconuts full of ice cold beer. In short, we want too much. But Pemba, Mozambique’s Northernmost town, comes miraculously close to fulfilling our unreasonable desires.

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Leon Schuster To Play New Bond! - Arthur Christopher

April is often a dry month at the movies. With an Oscar winning film, a comedy about Star Wars fans and a film about Matthew McConnaghey the surfer due for release this month, there’s every chance this year could be an exception. Arthur Christopher offers a sneak peek.

Milk
In a performance that won him a deserved Best Actor Oscar at this year's ceremony, Sean Penn plays Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be voted into major public office in America. Read more

Fanboys
Star Wars fans across the globe eagerly await the release of "Episode I" Four friends begin an odyssey across America to visit their Mecca - George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch to steal the film and so be the first to watch it. Read more

Surfer, dude
Longboarding soul-surfer Steve Addington (Matthew McConnaghey) faces a crisis when he is forced into the world of reality TV and virtual surfing. The film's plot is as thin as a wafer biscuit... Read more

Carbon Footprint Found On Durban Beachfront.

Leonie Joubert

If it is human nature to leave things to the last minute, then the world’s response to global warming is a bitter case in point. As the issue begins to get the coverage and attention it deserves, Leonie Joubert wonders whether it is too little, too late.

New 'Credit-Crunch' Cereal Sells Badly
David Mayfield

Richard Branson is an incorrigible optimist; it's how he's managed to build one of the world's most successful empires.

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Govt Bailout For Homes With Blinds.- Janice Anderssen

If you look at your windows and feel that you are in the presence of a badly dressed professor with cornflakes on his blazer, it’s probably because you haven’t chosen the right curtains. Janice Anderssen has done all the thinking for you.

Unless you own a mansion of stately proportions, you want guests to admire your window treatments as a whole, not simply to point to the ends of your curtain rod where you have placed giant carved acorns.

Red-Nose Day Cancelled This Year. - Matthew Freemantle

Playing the Fool
Everyone’s a comedian on April Fools Day. But as is usually the case, it is a trade best left to the experts. Which is why we’ve chosen three of the best clips from last month’s comic date, Red Nose Day, including appearances from Ricky Gervais and David Beckham.

Catherine Tate & Daniel Craig
In which Tate’s tragic character, Elaine, fails to succumb to the charms of 007 after meeting in an online chat room. Read more

England Football Team Get a Grilling
In which the England football team get a lecture from a chubby comedian for failing to qualify for the European Championships. Watch David Beckham’s face. Read more

Ricky Gervais and the Office Opera
In which Gervais arrives for the audition of The Office put to Opera, introduced by his praise singer Stephen Merchant. Read more