Google Brendan Jack and you find that, somehow, the 34-year-old comedian “has over 40 years experience in real estate management”.
It might be tempting to conclude that there is another Brendan Jack in the world, but this would be ridiculous. So we felt it was time that he explained, among other things, how he has managed to deceive time.
What do you make of SA's celebrity scene?
It’s quaint. If only Charlize would start attending more events, maybe there’d even be paparazzi.
We need to "exclusively reveal" something untrue about you, so we're going with "Jack Hammer: Actor's lurid porn past". Is that OK with you?
It’s about time that story broke. Jack Hammer is great, part unathletic porn star, part private detective. I’m selling it to ETV’s late night producers once they start showing real porn.
We'll take that as a yes. What's the best tabloid headline you've seen?
“Bat Boy Found in Cave” followed by “Bat Boy Endorses Al Gore”.
What's the best tabloid headline you've seen involving you?
Um, “Angelina Jolie’s Never Been to Kempton Park”
What headline would you most love to see involving your name?
Recent lottery winner, Brendan Jack, successfully transplants Heath Ledger’s face and career onto his own. “I plan to be alive for my Joker sequel Oscar,” said Jack.
(I know it’s long, but it’s about selling papers in this current economic climate.)
How clean is your house?
Usually pretty tidy, but I’m enjoying the chaos of moving house right now. So thanks for bringing that up.
If you were to nominate a part of your body for the circle of shame, which part would you choose?
Have you ever been misquoted in the tabloids?
There are often untrue facts put out, but nothing really malicious. Although “Jack Hammer injured in 3-day orgy” was quite intrusive.
I googled you and discovered that "Brendan Jack has over 40 years experience in sales, valuations and property management fields in the real estate industry". How did you fit this in?
I’m an old soul. I think there’s some chancer trading on my name in the American real estate market - Nebraska will buy anything I endorse.
What were you doing half an hour ago?
Having a fitful dream about my Idols votes not being counted.
What are you working on now?
Various TV pilots, and some comedy episodes called the ‘Inside Snoop’ should be on channel Go soon. Also getting the new website up (brendanjack.com), which has online shows - where I interview local and international entertainers and comedians.
What should we really be asking you?
Would you like that in cash, or can we do an online bank transfer?
Are you telling me how to do my job?
No, but for a small consulting fee, I could help you streamline your work day.
Is your dad a thief? Because your eyes are like diamonds. No really, was he a thief?
My Dad stole a lot of hearts and a lot of bases when playing baseball for South Africa back in the day. For real.