Opinions are divided on Heat Magazine. There are those who think of it as a waste of trees and there are others who are wrong. Of course, like many of you, I am the worst kind of hypocrite. I will never buy the magazine but am thrilled when I find it on a friend’s coffee table. How cheap, I think sanctimoniously, before gawking at the ‘dodgy old photo’ of Gareth Cliff.

But even if it is occasionally interesting in a sordid way, how good can something be if it is best enjoyed while sitting on the toilet? There aren’t a lot of great things that are best enjoyed while sitting on the toilet. You are trying to think of one now aren’t you? Good luck with that...